Embers hidden in the ashes.

On September 26th I found out we were pregnant with our second baby. Needless to say we were more than excited after loosing our first little one, and going through 7 more months of infertility this was the light at the end of a very rough tunnel. The following Monday I started spotting and of course after loosing our little Bird I was panicked that we were loosing this this baby. My Dr. ran some HCG tests and 48 hours later my levels had tripled so he thought it was just implantation bleeding. Panic went away and we started enjoying the idea of a sweet little one joining our family. We talked names we made plans and everything was perfect. Life was finally feeling normal again after we lost Bird I was a mess I really didn't know how to move on I bottled up a lot of emotions because talking about it hurt to much and I felt like being sad all the time was worse. I felt like if I was sad people were judging me telling me I needed to get over it and move on. I had lost hope that things were going to get better. This baby was the ember burning in my fire that caught the flame I needed to keep going. Before I was loosing faith that my Father in Heaven was listening and that he loved me when he metaphorically took a tiny ember of hope and made my fire burn. I personally hate calling our little ones it or baby 1 and 2 hence why Bird became our nickname for our first and our second will always be our little Ember. This baby has given me the faith that I know my Father in Heaven is listening and he loves me. We only got to have our sweet Ember for a short time sadly a few days after our first apt we found out my HCG levels were dropping and my doctor confirmed my worst fear that we would be hurting and grieving again. I went through a lot of emotions upon finding out I was angry, sad, confused, and oddly enough peaceful. I knew this was going to be ok and I knew my Father in Heaven was holding me close and that this was going to be ok even when it hurt so bad. I wasn't bleeding so the doctor decided that doing a D&C was going to be the best option, especially because he was wanting to do some genetic testing to see if we could find some answers. We meet with him in a couple weeks to discus what our next option is since not only do we loose the babies, but it is really hard for us to get one here in the first place. I am extremely grateful that we have a doctor who is willing to be proactive and try and get us some answers. I know one day our family will be complete and we will all be together and for that I am extremely humbled. I am so blessed that my husband and I were sealed for time and all eternity so we can have our little family forever.