This blog is one I have been wanting to write for awhile but I haven’t found the words and every time I start I end up in tears. When we found out we were pregnant with Bird we both were scared something wasn’t ok little did we know we would say goodbye to our little boy to soon and it would change our world. During those short weeks it never sank in but when we got the call our world stopped our little one was gone and that was the start of a rough crazy process. We over the next three years lost three babes that made us parents but I never realized the pain and suffering I was dealing with watching my guy friends become dads! I had watched all my girl friends have kids and was never heart broken but something changed the first time I saw one of my guy friends hold his little girl! I think it was the realization I may never be able to give that gift to my husband on this earth. Yes we love our children and we will get to raise them in the next life, but something about seeing those new dads holding their little ones for the first time broke me. My sweet husband has never once complained or felt incomplete or made me feel like I wasn’t good enough because we hadn’t had a sweet babe born to earth, but that doesn’t take away the pain I put in myself! There is something that changes the way a man looks at his partner after they have brought a life into this world together! I have longed for that feeling and moment and can’t wait to experience that when our little one arrives one January! I cannot wait to watch it become real for my husband as the pregnancy progresses and he can feel the baby move. I can’t wait for the moment he gets to see our little one in person for the first time and I get to see the look I have seen in so many of my guy friends eyes as Cole holds our little one for the first time! When I miscarried Bird I got to hold his little body and I see him my heart grew so much that day and I know the first time you hold your child changes you forever! My heart has hurt so much as we have gone through our losses and trials of trying to get a baby here but there has been so much joy come with each loss we grow closer in different ways that most couples never have to face, and now in January we get to take another step forward in our relationship and grow our family here one earth! Thank you so much for all your love and support you have given us through this process! We cannot wait for this next step and I am grateful I feel my heart healing a little as I see my sweet husband experience firsts with this little one since we have never made it this far in a pregnancy!
