Baby you a song you make me wanna roll my windows down and CRUZ.......

Today I was driving into town (it's a 13 mile drive) and I happened to remember a comment made by someone once about driving without the music on... The point is so you can ponder on your thoughts.... Well today was a very interesting thought process, but it was exactly what I needed.... With all the stress from the wedding things have gotten to me a little and I have had a huge number of melt downs.... Well yesterday Cole and I were unpacking our new apartment and I had a melt down about every hour cause there is so much to do and I want it done by Friday so we come back to a nice tidy apartment after our honeymoon.... Well me being an emotional girl as it is has really struggled because since we got engaged it has been trip after trip.... Then family stuff.... Cole leaving for two weeks.... And moving.... I feel like we haven't even had time to breathe and it has been hard because I also have felt very unimportant during all this... We haven't had much time for us.... And I really need that time it may be selfish of me but I need the one on one focus a little lol..... So yesterday I hit that breaking point hence all the melt downs.... Well back to today and me driving.... I was thinking about all of that when the most random thought cane to my head.... When I was a little girl a Swiss Miss truck wrecked in front of my dads shop.... Well when a semi wrecks they get rid of the product... Well my dad was given a forever supply of Swiss Miss hot chocolate and pudding.... To the company it was damaged goods and they didn't want it.... But to my family it was awesome loads of free pudding come on who wouldn't want that.... So my thoughts after this was I know that I am not important to the majority of the population, but to my family I am extremely important just like the product wasn't important to the company but to my family it was awesome....  I know that was super random.... But I am so grateful for those random tender mercies that my Father in Heaven gives me and reminds me how much he and those around me that are close truly do love me... I am so blessed to be marrying my best friend for time and all eternity in 4 short days..... And even more blessed my amazing family and new family will be there with us celebrating :))) I love you all.....

It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life

It has been a really long time and so much has changed since my last post... Well recently I started reading a friend from the past's blog and she inspired me, her honesty is amazing and I love how confident she is while sharing her fears... After everything I went through 2 years ago I came out fighting and at times I really didn't think I was ever going to be myself again... Over the last two years people have cone into my life either new friends or old ones that became closer... I am so grateful for these people and how the molded me into who I am today after my divorce a lot of my friends went MIA, but one of my dear friends from high school stepped up and became my other half since I had recently lost mine... I am so grateful for Taylor Pilch and the live she has shown me... We have had countless nights of crying, laughing, and eating Taco Bell to help us feel better :) I really am so lucky to have her by my side... After my divorce she was often on the road from UW to Casper to come visit for the weekend... Also my dear friend Elizabeth she went through beauty school with me and became my rock she went through so many thing similar to me and was always there to hold my hand.... The next person who came into my life came with a family who I am forever grateful for... Rory and his parents were the biggest support, they believed in me and knew I would succeed if I put my mind to it and worked hard... He became one of my dearest friends.... His mom taught me how to be a strong independent women and I am so grateful for that she taught me being alone was ok and taking care of yourself came first.... She helped me get my confidence back... She saw my potential instead of seeing the broken person I was... I am so thankful for the Grauberger family and I miss them and all of our crazy times together... The next person who came into the picture was my dear friend Haile I really laugh at this cause we were in the same class all growing up but never said two words to each other and it took her and her sweet family moving to Casper for me to see that she and I were always meant to be friends... She was there for me when I felt alone up in the windy city... She sat countless nights listen to my relationship problems and awkward date stories and I really don't know what I would do with out her and the sweet babies mike and her have together they were my family away from home.... After finishing beauty school and working in casper for awhile I moved back to Evanston.... I am so blessed my parents who let there 21 year old daughter move back home lol I felt like the biggest loser.... A couple weeks before I moved home I was in Logan UT doing a session at the temple and I was overwhelmed with the feeling I needed to move... I was really sure where so I figured well maybe Logan... I decided to move home for nov and dec and then in jan I would go to Logan... So I called my dad he drove to Casper and packed me up and moved me home... Little did I know I would never make it to Logan... I was reintroduced to Cole in nov. we both grew up in the tiny town of Smoot wy :) we drove to Star Valley the night before thanksgiving and the rest was history... I haven't been the easiest to date by any means I am hot and cold cause of my past and there are times he has no idea what to do with me and my emotions... There are times I doubt myself so bad that I am not sure if I am going to be able to keep it together or not... But he is always there as patient as he can be with me waiting for me to figure out whatever my little head and heart can't... I shut down a lot and go into my quiet mode and he lets me not pushing or shoving his way in but just let's me do my thing so I can rebalance and be ok... My past has left a lot of scars but they all heal over time... Cole and I got engaged on jan. 29th and even with the crazy process of getting a temple sealing cancelation from my first marriage he has been patient and understanding knowing that it will all be worth it in the end... I get so down and discouraged because of this, but I know deep down it is worth it... The temple is such an amazing place and I want my family to be with me for time and all eternity and I know the temple is the place that will happen... I am so grateful for cole during my melt downs because he reminds me of this and makes me realize we can do anything as long as we stick together and put our minds to it... I am so grateful I have found such a strong man who carries me when I am too week to go on... There have been times of doubt but we always get through and I know that is what will make our marriage strong... I am a human I am weak and I know I need someone strong beside me for those times because I can't do it alone and I don't want to always worry that he won't be there when I need him the most... Not to Lon ago I was having an off night and I simply told him it was going rough and went to bed 15 minutes later he was waking me up to give me a hug and makes sure I was ok... He is so sweet and there for me even when I don't ask....

Happiness is what you make it,

Kenzie