Baby you a song you make me wanna roll my windows down and CRUZ.......

Today I was driving into town (it's a 13 mile drive) and I happened to remember a comment made by someone once about driving without the music on... The point is so you can ponder on your thoughts.... Well today was a very interesting thought process, but it was exactly what I needed.... With all the stress from the wedding things have gotten to me a little and I have had a huge number of melt downs.... Well yesterday Cole and I were unpacking our new apartment and I had a melt down about every hour cause there is so much to do and I want it done by Friday so we come back to a nice tidy apartment after our honeymoon.... Well me being an emotional girl as it is has really struggled because since we got engaged it has been trip after trip.... Then family stuff.... Cole leaving for two weeks.... And moving.... I feel like we haven't even had time to breathe and it has been hard because I also have felt very unimportant during all this... We haven't had much time for us.... And I really need that time it may be selfish of me but I need the one on one focus a little lol..... So yesterday I hit that breaking point hence all the melt downs.... Well back to today and me driving.... I was thinking about all of that when the most random thought cane to my head.... When I was a little girl a Swiss Miss truck wrecked in front of my dads shop.... Well when a semi wrecks they get rid of the product... Well my dad was given a forever supply of Swiss Miss hot chocolate and pudding.... To the company it was damaged goods and they didn't want it.... But to my family it was awesome loads of free pudding come on who wouldn't want that.... So my thoughts after this was I know that I am not important to the majority of the population, but to my family I am extremely important just like the product wasn't important to the company but to my family it was awesome....  I know that was super random.... But I am so grateful for those random tender mercies that my Father in Heaven gives me and reminds me how much he and those around me that are close truly do love me... I am so blessed to be marrying my best friend for time and all eternity in 4 short days..... And even more blessed my amazing family and new family will be there with us celebrating :))) I love you all.....

It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life

It has been a really long time and so much has changed since my last post... Well recently I started reading a friend from the past's blog and she inspired me, her honesty is amazing and I love how confident she is while sharing her fears... After everything I went through 2 years ago I came out fighting and at times I really didn't think I was ever going to be myself again... Over the last two years people have cone into my life either new friends or old ones that became closer... I am so grateful for these people and how the molded me into who I am today after my divorce a lot of my friends went MIA, but one of my dear friends from high school stepped up and became my other half since I had recently lost mine... I am so grateful for Taylor Pilch and the live she has shown me... We have had countless nights of crying, laughing, and eating Taco Bell to help us feel better :) I really am so lucky to have her by my side... After my divorce she was often on the road from UW to Casper to come visit for the weekend... Also my dear friend Elizabeth she went through beauty school with me and became my rock she went through so many thing similar to me and was always there to hold my hand.... The next person who came into my life came with a family who I am forever grateful for... Rory and his parents were the biggest support, they believed in me and knew I would succeed if I put my mind to it and worked hard... He became one of my dearest friends.... His mom taught me how to be a strong independent women and I am so grateful for that she taught me being alone was ok and taking care of yourself came first.... She helped me get my confidence back... She saw my potential instead of seeing the broken person I was... I am so thankful for the Grauberger family and I miss them and all of our crazy times together... The next person who came into the picture was my dear friend Haile I really laugh at this cause we were in the same class all growing up but never said two words to each other and it took her and her sweet family moving to Casper for me to see that she and I were always meant to be friends... She was there for me when I felt alone up in the windy city... She sat countless nights listen to my relationship problems and awkward date stories and I really don't know what I would do with out her and the sweet babies mike and her have together they were my family away from home.... After finishing beauty school and working in casper for awhile I moved back to Evanston.... I am so blessed my parents who let there 21 year old daughter move back home lol I felt like the biggest loser.... A couple weeks before I moved home I was in Logan UT doing a session at the temple and I was overwhelmed with the feeling I needed to move... I was really sure where so I figured well maybe Logan... I decided to move home for nov and dec and then in jan I would go to Logan... So I called my dad he drove to Casper and packed me up and moved me home... Little did I know I would never make it to Logan... I was reintroduced to Cole in nov. we both grew up in the tiny town of Smoot wy :) we drove to Star Valley the night before thanksgiving and the rest was history... I haven't been the easiest to date by any means I am hot and cold cause of my past and there are times he has no idea what to do with me and my emotions... There are times I doubt myself so bad that I am not sure if I am going to be able to keep it together or not... But he is always there as patient as he can be with me waiting for me to figure out whatever my little head and heart can't... I shut down a lot and go into my quiet mode and he lets me not pushing or shoving his way in but just let's me do my thing so I can rebalance and be ok... My past has left a lot of scars but they all heal over time... Cole and I got engaged on jan. 29th and even with the crazy process of getting a temple sealing cancelation from my first marriage he has been patient and understanding knowing that it will all be worth it in the end... I get so down and discouraged because of this, but I know deep down it is worth it... The temple is such an amazing place and I want my family to be with me for time and all eternity and I know the temple is the place that will happen... I am so grateful for cole during my melt downs because he reminds me of this and makes me realize we can do anything as long as we stick together and put our minds to it... I am so grateful I have found such a strong man who carries me when I am too week to go on... There have been times of doubt but we always get through and I know that is what will make our marriage strong... I am a human I am weak and I know I need someone strong beside me for those times because I can't do it alone and I don't want to always worry that he won't be there when I need him the most... Not to Lon ago I was having an off night and I simply told him it was going rough and went to bed 15 minutes later he was waking me up to give me a hug and makes sure I was ok... He is so sweet and there for me even when I don't ask....

Happiness is what you make it,

Kenzie

Beautiful things come from the ashes!

Wow has this year gone by super fast! I can't believe that it is already Dec. This year has defiantly been a long, rough, and challenging year, but I have made it through thanks to my family, friends, but most of all my Father in Heaven! As this year comes to a close I have pondered a lot on the things that I have been through and realized that I have become a much stronger person through all of this. Tho at times I still feel extremely alone I know that is not the case, because as long as I am living my life the way I should my Savior is always by my side! The past few months I have been very blessed in my habits of reading my scriptures and saying my personal prayers have most defiantly improved. I have grown so much closer to my Father through this. A few months ago going home and getting ready for bed almost always ended in tears now it still ends usually in tears, but this time they are tears of joy, the love I feel as I study my scriptures each night is overwhelming to the point my body is so full of joy I cry! I no longer dread the end of the day, I now look forward to my time i get to spend with my Father in Heaven! I love what the scriptures have to offer. If you can't find happiness in your life start by looking there! Yesterday after I left institute I read the chapters for our next class period it was in Alma 13 though 16 I took a lot from the reading, but something I would like to share came from Alma 14:26 And Alma cried saying: How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord? O Lord give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ even unto deliverance. This really touched me because I know that asking him to take away our pain is only disabling us. We need to ask him to help us through the pain so that we can grow and become stronger. I know there are things in my life I wish I never had to go through, but I also know that my Father knows that I am struggling and he is there to pick me up when I fall :) it is truly a blessing! I have been blessed in so many ways this year, but the two that have meant the most to me have been the trials that have strengthened my relationship with my Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ! The second one is the relationships I have with my family! I have such an amazing family and I don't think I could have made it through this year without the love and support they have shown for me! I am glad I have such a wonderful Dad who I know I can rely on no matter what! I know at times he disagrees with my choices, but he still supports me and then when they go bad he is there to pick up the mess I made! I love my talks that I get to have with him one on one they mean the world to me and I know they will always be the highlight of my trips home! I love my Momma what more can I say, she is such a beautiful woman and has taught me so much! I am so glad that she has taught me how to cook I really did learn from the best and not only has she taught me how to cook amazing meals, bu she has taught me how to do it on a budget as well as off my food storage! I don't think I could have gotten through these past few months if it weren't for her! My big sizzler Shay has been my best friend since I was little she helps me through so much she has taught me to be a strong confident women. She is an amazing example of the person I want to strive to become. I am also grateful for the little munchkins she has brought into our family with the help of her kind husband Arron-on CC is amazing I love watching her grow up and I am sure the little yokie on the way will bring just as much joy into my life as she does! I am so very happy to call Toe my baby sister I love this kid so much she has always been such a strong minded little bugger who knows what is right and is going to do what is right no matter what! I loved being home for thanksgiving break and getting to spend time with her and seeing what an amazing young woman she has become! I of course saved the best for last my wonderful Parker. This little boy truly touches my heart like nobody else can. He is my rock, I know that the love he has for me is bigger than anyone else! He makes my day when I walk into the house and he screams in his squeaky teen voice and yells my Kin oh I love my Kin! I loved being home at night and sitting in the family room and cuddling up with him he is so special to me and will always be my little man even though he is close to passing me. I have been born into a truly loving, kind, patient family that I wouldn't trade in for anything! I love you all! Have a safe time this holiday season! Remember the true meaning of Christmas as it is in the midst! Our Savior is to important to put to the wayside! Without him there would be no chance to Return to our Father in Heaven and live with our families for time and all eternity!

Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving break!

Me and Booda (Parker)

Toey (Tori) and Me

Me and my baby CC (Cecily)

Me and Shay Bird!

Me, Booda, and CC I love my cuddle bugs!

Small and simple things!

This past week has really taught me a lot in fact this last 6 months has and the best thing I have taken from the crazy past few months has been to find joy in the small and simple things because through these things will come great happiness! I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and the things that it has to offer I am so very blessed to have the scriptures they are such a huge blessing in my life. I love the D&C this book truly was inspired for me. There is so much in it that helps me to grow closer to my Father in Heaven! I am so thankful for my family, I was brought to this earth by amazing parents who I know love me no matter what I do and that is such a huge blessing in my life. I am grateful for my trials and that at this time in my life my Father in Heaven is teaching me a great lesson of patience. I thought I had mastered this one until he surprised me with the last few months. It defiantly helps that he is by my side and comforting me when I am learning! I am very pleased that he knows me inside and out and that I have realized this so that when I don't know what I need or want I can go to him and ask! I feel like a toddler at his side and I am so grateful he can coddle me at this time! I am so glad he has placed people in my life to help with this as well! I have amazing friends in my life and am so blessed for that. I am thankful each day for my dear friend Elizabeth who has walked the steps ahead of me and knows what I am going through and can help me make sense of it all as well and be by my side when I don't know what else to do! I am grateful for the institute program! Today as we were going through our reading I was hit with a comment from a friend sitting next to me. we were in Mosiah chapters 9 thought 17 and she made the comment of how at times in our life when we need comfort we need to turn to our father for comfort and not to the world. I loved this because I know that there are times i seek comfort from people and don't receive any, and it can feel like a slap in the face! When I seek comfort from my Father in Heaven I always receive it! Glad to have this reminder this morning! I am pretty sure my Father in Heaven has made his point that I need to turn to him and I need to have patience, every lesson I have had this past week has been on those things as well as my personal studying! I am also grateful for this beautiful world my father has created to for me to live in! I love primary songs and the one that comes to my mind as I walk out my front door each morning is My Heavenly Father Loves Me:

Whenever I hear the song of a bird

Or look at the blue, blue sky,

Whenever I feel the rain on my face

Or the wind as it rushes by,

Whenever I touch a velvet rose

Or walk by our lilac tree,

I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world

Heavenly Father created for me.

2. He gave me my eyes that I might see

The color of butterfly wings.

He gave me my ears that I might hear

The magical sound of things.

He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:

I thank him reverently

For all his creations, of which I’m a part.
Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me

This is the simplest reminder that life is amazing and we are so loved and to remind us to live each day in pure gratitude! The thing I am most grateful fro in my life at this time is that my Savior came to earth, and died for me so that I may live with My Father again! This was a huge sacrifice he didn't have to make, but he did and for that I am forever grateful! I won't ever be able to repay him for what he did, but in all honesty he doesn't ask that we repay him he simply asks that we try our best to be like him! That is a minor request in my book! I am just very content with life at this moment in time and even though everything isn't perfect or just the way I thought it would be I don't mind because I am at peace with my Father in Heaven and I can feel his love and comfort surrounding me and protecting me from all the stress and cares of the world. I love being in this bubble of his love! I hope you all are doing wonderful, remember life is a gift and we need to be grateful for it! I love you all!